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Grenouillebleue
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Book-a-minute (pour ceux qui ne connaissent pas encore)

Vous manquez de temps pour lire un livre ? Vous voulez paraître intelligent devant vos amis cultivés ?

Qu'à cela ne tienne, Book-a-minute est fait pour vous.
Ou comment résumer un pavé de 600 pages en deux ou trois lignes.

Quelques exemples:

Citation:
La Belgariade, de David Eddings

Garion
I'm an heir to something. I must mature into a man and rule the world.

Friends
While we're sorting out each of our personal crises, we'll help you kill badguys.

(They DO, and gradually all the bad guys DIE except for one who is turned into a SNAKE.)

THE END

Citation:
Le messie de Dune, de Franck Herbert

Everyone
We're absurdly over-intelligent with identical personalities.

(The Conspirators do some MYSTERIOUS conspiracy stuff.)

Muad'Dib
Now that I have two children which need my support and care, I'll wander off into the desert and die for no particular reason.

Everyone
Wahh. Clever.

THE END
Citation:
L'assasin royal

FitzChivalry talks to Burrich, then Chade, then Patience, then Verity, then Fool, then Shrewd and almost dies.

Then he talks to Chade, then Verity, then Molly, then Kettricken, then Burrich, then Fool and almost dies.

Then he talks to Burrich, then Shrewd, then Kettricken, then Patience, then Molly, then Verity and almost dies.

Then he talks to Fool, then Chade, then Verity, then Molly, then Burrich, then Kettricken and dies.
Et, bien entendu, je ne pouvais pas oublier:

Citation:
Bilbo le Hobbit

Bilbo Baggins
Ah, now for some peace and quiet. Oops, someone's at the door.

Balin
We're dwarves. I'm the merry one.

Dwalin
I'm the happy one.

Fili
I'm the young one.

Kili
I'm the other young one.

Dori
I'm the funny one.

Nori
I'm the joyous one.

Ori
I'm the cute one.

Oin
I'm the jolly one.

Gloin
I'm the silly one.

Bifur
I'm the one with the funniest name.

Bofur
I'm the one with the looniest name.

Bombur
I'm the fat one.

Thorin
I'm the one with a distinct personality.

Gandalf
Now that you're all here, let's go on a quest.

(They get captured by TROLLS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN. Then they get captured by ORCS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Bilbo Baggins
What have I got in my pocket?

Gollum
I don't know.

(They get captured by SPIDERS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Smaug
I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.

(Bilbo Baggins turns INVISIBLE, and then some obscure co-star SLAYS the dragon, and it makes a MESS.)

THE END
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Avatar de Serafel
Serafel [CdA]
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Tres fort on pourrais faire le meme pour wheel of time ?
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Grenouillebleue
Alpha & Oméga
 
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C'est déjà fait, mais visiblement l'auteur n'apprécie pas, il démolit en règle la série:

http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/sff.shtml

Citation:
The Eye of The World

Rand al'Thor
Tam is my father.

(Nothing happens. Then, nothing happens. Then, unexpectedly, nothing happens. Everything is FRAUGHT with PORTENT.)

Moiraine
Everybody come with me.

Everybody
No. Well, ok.

(They travel a LOT. Something happens that isn't explained. Something happens that doesn't make sense. Something happens.)

Rand al'Thor
Tam is my father.

THE (predictable, cliched, dumb) END

Fans
Yah! Wah hah! This is the greatest book ever! Whoo hoo! This is the greatest series ever! Whoopie! Yee haw
Citation:
The Great Hunt

Rand al'Thor
I want to do something. But doing this something is probably what the Aes Sedai want me to do, so I will do something else. But doing that something else may be what they want me to do, because they think I think they want me to do the first thing, so I'll decide to do this other thing instead. So I'll just do the first thing, since I want to do it anyway. Screw them.

(Repeat seven hundred times.)

THE END
Citation:

Rand al'Thor
Being the Dragon Reborn stinks. I'm out of here.

(Moiraine and the gang CHASE him. But even though they are on HORSES, and he is WALKING, they never CATCH UP. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)

Perrin
I hate wolves.

(Mat and others show up out of NOWHERE. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)

Rand al'Thor
I am the Dragon Reborn. (kills the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY)



Robert Jordan
Fooled you! That wasn't really the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY! Now I can write forty more books!


THE END
Citation:
The Shadow Rising

Everybody HATES Rand, so he BEATS them until they OBEY.)

Rand
I have conquered all sorts of stuff, because I rule.
(Gibbers to self. Five hundred pages pass.)

THE END
Citation:
The Fires of Heaven

Rand
I found an artifact which gives me limitless power. I think I shall brick it up behind a wall.

(A female character SNIFFS and thinks about her NECKLINE.)

THE END
Citation:
Lord of Chaos

Rand
I have a secret plan, but I won't tell you about it.

THE END
Citation:
A Crown of Swords

Rand
Now my secret plan shall be unleashed! Here it is. Are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? I'm going to make it look like I'm attacking this guy. But THEN I will attack some OTHER guy.

(He DOES, and it ALMOST WORKS.)

THE END
Citation:
The Path of Daggers

Mazrim Taim
I am evil, yaargh! Fear me!

Spooky Voice of Lews Therin
Rand, kill Taim.

Rand
Being powerful sucks. I will brood.

THE END
Citation:

Winter's Heart

Perrin
I was going to rescue my wife, but that will have to wait for the next book.

Mat
I was going to escape with my friends, but that will have to wait for the next book.

Egwene
I was going to attack Tar Valon, but that will have to wait for the next book.

THE END
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Avatar de Brume
Brume
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Cool
Citation:
Smaug
I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.
Génial, à ressortir dans toute vos bonnes parties de Donj & Dragons.

Hiss hiss.
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Avatar de Naf Somidesthjofr
Naf Somidesthjofr [Einhs]
Bagnard
 
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J'adore Movie-a-minute.
Un exemple: Mortal Kombat.
Citation:
Shang Tsung
Back, Back, Forward, Forward + High Punch

Liu Kang
Down, Forward, Back, Back + High Kick

THE END
Speed:
Citation:
Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the elevator.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the elevator. (saves elevator)

Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the bus.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the bus. (saves bus)

Dennis Hopper
I will blow up the subway.

Keanu Reeves
Oh no. Not the subway. (saves subway)

THE END
Le sixième sens:

Citation:
Haley Joel Osment
I see dead people.

Bruce Willis
Try talking to them.

Haley Joel Osment
It worked.

THE END
Le retour du Jedi:
Citation:
Darth Vader
Luke, come to the dark side.

Luke
No.

Darth Vader
Your goodness has redeemed me. Die, emperor scum.

THE END
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Avatar de Mothra
Mothra
 
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Le meilleurs resumé c'est quand meme celui la
Citation:
Pretty Woman Directed by Garry Marshall 1990 Ultra-Condensed by Greg Smith

Julia Roberts : I'm a hooker, but I don't kiss on the lips.
Richard Gere : I have a lot of money.
Julia Roberts : (smooch)
THE END
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Avatar de Lodan/Arod
Lodan/Arod
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Excellent
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Avatar de Ligeia Zenox
Ligeia Zenox
Reine
 
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Pour les livres...euh Surtout Tolkien , on touche pas à Tolkien Euh vi je suis un peu fan, pourquoi?

Mais pour pretty woman lolol
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Avatar de zeshad
zeshad
Roi
 
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ma contribution :

[les shadoks]
professeur shadoko : gagabu meu meu zozoga !

le sorcier shadok : gaaa ! bubumeuzogagabumeuzo !

le roi shadok : GA ! (* et paf un coup sur la tête*)

gégène : gloumpf miam, slurp, rhôôoôôt !

les gibis : hahhhahhhhahhhaaaa !

voilà.
(forcément, c'est référentiel)
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Réalisez vos PROPRES calligraphies en suivant...
(cliquez)
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Avatar de Novakain
Novakain
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Exellent ce truc :bouffon:

Euh Ligeia c'est pas un problème c'est juste histoire de plaisanter un peu, lourd ceux qui disent on touche pas a tolkien, y'a pas que lui et y'en aura beaucoup d'autre
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krom
Roi
 
Le meilleur film de tous les temps (pour moi) :
Citation:
Taxi Driver
Directed by Martin Scorsese
1976
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There once was a guy who was crazy,
Who shot those whose morals were hazy.
He was hailed as a hero,
This Robert De Niro,
So three cheers for Martin Scorsese.

THE END
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Kamenitzeh
Reine
 
.
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Avatar de Foehn
Foehn
Alpha & Oméga
 
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Tout simplement excellent ! :bouffon:

The Matrix :
Citation:
Keanu Reeves

Hey everybody, look! Look at me! I'm in a movie that doesn't suck!

Audience

GASP!

Keanu Reeves

Yes, it's true! Not only that, despite my total lack of acting ability, I very nearly didn't suck in this movie!

Audience

(faints)


THE END
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Leufar
Alpha & Oméga
 
Ca existe en moins satirique, le "Readers' Digest" ( 'fin à la base, ça s'est quelque peu élargi depuis )
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