Je preferes terry jones
mais c'est en anglais
Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer.
England.
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but
so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a
few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden.
That's how devious he is.
As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good
sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by
one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of
a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red
tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and
all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things
to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently
that's been a little difficult.
Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run
out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and
children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in
peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes
it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a
really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no
one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing
Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.
Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of
other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look
at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.
My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the
same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr
Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the
President, it's good enough for me.
I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in
the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them
over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and,
in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
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